External success has to do with people who may see me as a model, or an example, or a representative. As much as I may dislike or want to reject that responsibility, this is something that comes with public success. It's important to give others a sense of hope that it is possible and you can come from really different places in the world and find your own place in the world that's unique for yourself.

We are lost, she and I, unseen and not seeing, unheard and not hearing, unknown by others.

Writing what you wished was the most dangerous form of wishful thinking.

And now I have to stop. Because every time I remember this, I have to cry a little by myself. I don't know why something that made me so happy then feels so sad now. Maybe that is the way it is with the best memories.

On the third day after someone dies, the soul comes back to settle scores. In my mother's case, this would be the first day of the lunar new year. And because it is the new year, all debts must be paid, or disaster and misfortune will follow.

And now I also see what part of me is Chinese. It is so obvious. It is my family. It is in our blood.

People there only dream that it is China, because if you are Chinese you can never let go of China in your mind.