The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
Andy BorowitzMaybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
Andy BorowitzCongress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
Andy BorowitzThe real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
Andy Borowitz