The best way to prepare for a night out with a Shakespearean tragedy is to do a bit of reading up in the afternoon, eat a light supper - perhaps Welsh rarebit - and then arrive early to do some stretching exercises in the foyer before curtain-up.

I find it hilarious that there are academics who try to analyse chemical changes in the brains of students while exposing them to gags.

It's worth turning up to an awards gig if you know you've won one but, since you never do know, it's not worth it.

My sister-in-law believes that few narratives are so tightly constructed that you can't skip boring bits and still keep abreast of what's going on.

Obviously I am not bothered about men's fashion - is anyone, apart from Jonathan Ross?

Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.

If you want to be happy for a short time, get drunk happy for a long time, fall in love; happy forever, take up gardening.