My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia

I think a lot of people think that we [comedians] are nerveless people in the theatre, that we don't feel that kind of terror which traditionally anyone who has to do any public speaking feels. It's worse for actors, because our livelihood depends on it.

To live in Australia permanently is rather like going to a party and dancing all night with one's mother.

Everyone had a Japanese maple, although after Pearl Harbor most of these were patriotically poisoned, ringbarked and extirpated.

New Zealand is a country of thirty thousand million sheep, three million of whom think they are human.

There is no more terrible fate for a comedian than to be taken seriously.

I've decided the secret of parenting is benevolent neglect.I put my family last. Because if you don't, if you put them first, they never thank you. You'll never get a word of thanks from them.