I say this with no fear of contradiction. Jonas Barnes is absolutely, positively the funniest stand-up comic I have ever seen. Of course, I almost never leave my home. Jonas is a great guy and was a big help to me.

If a car came through a window anywhere near me, I'd be freaking out for three days!

I often say television is not a job for grown men. You go to a set, they pick out your clothes for you, they tell you where to stand, what to say, and your chair has your name on it in case you can't find a place to sit.

There's no longevity in me telling old stories on the radio.

People ask me, what was your rock bottom? I say, pick.

If you have an impossible dream, a dream that cannot be fulfilled, the friendly thing for me to do is to put a stop to you wasting your life at it.

I am a proud participant of the Spencer Tracy School of Acting: Know your lines, don't bump into the furniture.