Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
George CarlinHave you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Itโs because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
George CarlinThe radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's sake!
George Carlin