You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'