Never believe that the fiction writing life makes sense.... It's insanity by definition.
It's nice sometimes to be the river rather than the rock.
When I settled to writing seriously, which would be in my 30s, I did expect to be published eventually, but my aspirations werent very high. A published book and a few appreciative readers was my idea of heaven.
Flee and your bad behavior will be fixed in people's minds. Return, seem in goo spirits, and everyone will doubt their own memory of events.