High school. You know, people say, 'I'll never do so-and-so again' - then they do it. So what? Sometimes somebody has crack, and you're looking to stay awake.
Jon StewartPresident Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.
Jon StewartI thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.
Jon StewartI don't think, if anything, I don't think it's a feeling of hopelessness that people feel. I think if they feel - if they're feeling what we're feeling, it's that this is how we fight back.
Jon StewartThere is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.
Jon StewartPeople always say, when did you realize you were funny? And I think it's not that you realize you were funny. It's that you're brain works in a certain way. And I don't think that that's - I think in some respects it's uncontrollable, and you can either accept it and deal with it and hone it or you can try to fight it. And I was too weak to fight it.
Jon Stewart