On My Last-Place Finish in the 50-Yard Dash During Little League Tryouts โIt kinda looked like you were being attacked by a bunch of bees or something. Then when I saw the fat kid with the watch who was timing you start laughingโฆ. Well, Iโll just say itโs never a good sign when a fat kid laughs at you.
Justin HalpernMy parents had irrational fears of Mexico and assumed that once you crossed the border, drug runners made you swallow a heroin balloon and then within the hour you were in a bathtub full of ice and they were harvesting your kidneys.
Justin HalpernThat woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.
Justin HalpernI just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.
Justin HalpernWhat Im trying to say is that what makes you up, its always been around, and it always will be around. So really the only thing you should worry about is the part you're at right now. Where you got a body and a head and all that bullshit. Just worry about living, dying is the easy part.
Justin Halpern