Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand.

Pretty much everywhere I go, I'm pretty much thinking I'm going to be bounced. I am still the outsider who snuck into the party. I identify with the regular person, because that is who I am.

I love doing [stand-up]. I love making people laugh no matter how. Whether it's a commercial, or a TV show, or a reality show, or a talk show, or a special, or a book. However I can make people laugh, that's what I want to do.

I have no limits, no filter, no class, no poise. No decorum. Just fun.

I prefer big Oprah. I know Oprah wants to be skinny Oprah, but her head is too gigantic to fit on a skinny body. She has to accept that, like Kirstie Alley, she was meant to be... ahm... voluptuous!

I have what I call A-list moments, but believe me, I'm still on the D-list.

I have to tell you, though, the sexism in late night talk is so profound.