Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.

Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!

Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.

I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio.

A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.

Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.