There once was an umpire whose vision Was cause for abuse and derision He remarked in surprise, 'Why pick on my eyes? It's my heart that dictates my decision.'

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow, But not everybody knows exactly how.

Then blessings on thee, my afternoon torpor Thou makest a prince of a mental porpor.

How confusing the beams from memory's lamp are; One day a bachelor, the next a grampa. What is the secret of the trick? How did I get so old so quick?

But all ladies think they weigh too much.

Neath tile or thatch That man is rich Who has a scratch For every itch.