My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.

We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.

My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12.

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.