I'm saying your name in the grocery store, I'm saying your name on the bridge at dawn. Your name like an animal covered with frost, your name like a music that's been transposed, a suit of fur, a coat of mud, a kick in the pants, a lungful of glass, the sails in wind and the slap of waves on the hull.
Richard SikenIโve been rereading your story. I think itโs about me in a way that might not be flattering, but thatโs okay. We dream and dream of being seen as we really are and then finally someone looks at us and sees us truly and we fail to measure up. Anyway: story received, story included. You looked at me long enough to see something mysterioso under all the gruff and bluster. Thanks. Sometimes you get so close to someone you end up on the other side of them.
Richard SikenI swear, I end up feeling empty, like you've taken something out of me and I have to search my body for scars.
Richard SikenFor a while I thought I was the dragon. I guess I can tell you that now. And, for a while, I thought I was the princess, cotton candy pink, sitting there in my room, in the tower of the castle, young and beautiful and in love and waiting for you with confidence but the princess looks into her mirror and only sees the princess, while Iโm out here, slogging through the mud, breathing fire, and getting stabbed to death. Okay, so Iโm the dragon. Big deal. You still get to be the hero. You get magic gloves! A fish that talks! You get eyes like flashlights!
Richard SikenLet me tell you what I do know: I am more than one thing, and not all of those things are good. The truth is complicated. Itโs two-toned, multi-vocal, bittersweet. I used to think that if I dug deep enough to discover something sad and ugly, Iโd know it was something true. Now Iโm trying to dig deeper. I didnโt want to write these pages until there were no hard feelings, no sharp ones. I do not have that luxury. I am sad and angry and I want everyone to be alive again. I want more landmarks, less landmines. I want to be grateful but Iโm having a hard time with it.
Richard SikenThis is my favorite part. It starts and ends here. The pebbles shine, the plan worked, Hansel Triumphant. Lesson number one: be sneaky and have a plan. But the stupid boy goes back, makes the rest of the story postscript and aftermath. He shouldnโt have gone back. And this is the second lesson I took from the story: when someone is trying to ditch you, kill you, never go back.
Richard Siken