Hermits have no peer pressure.
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.
Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman.
I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.