I make no pretense to accuracy. I shall be quite content if the sensibilities of no one are wounded by anything I may reduce to type.

Once there were two brothers. One ran away to sea; the other was elected vice president of the United States. And nothing was heard of either of them again.

Death had to take Roosevelt sleeping, for if he had been awake, there would have been a fight.

What America needs is a good five-cent cigar.

I make no pretense to accuracy. I shall be quite content if the sensibilities of no one are wounded by anything I may reduce to type.

What this country needs is a really good 5-cent cigar

I'm from Indiana, the home of more first-rate second-class men than any other state in the union.