I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
I was born an emotional tampon in a cauldron of dysfunction.
If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
Having sex with a dead grammar teacher is a violation of past tense usage.
As hipster chicks age, and their skin starts to sag, tramp stamps sink below waistbands, like the sun slipping into the sea.