The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.

I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.

A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!