The Simple Question That Ended My Need to Judge People

The Habit You Don’t Notice

It starts small. A raised eyebrow at someone’s outfit. A quiet dismissal of how someone talks. We don’t mean to judge—it just happens. Fast. Automatic. Like background noise we forget is playing.

But what if that quiet judgment is shaping more than our thoughts? What if it's shaping how we feel about ourselves?

What Judgment Really Does

Judging others doesn’t make us smarter or safer—it just builds walls. It reinforces an internal script: 'I would never,' 'They’re so wrong,' 'I’m better than that.'

And beneath that script is usually something tender: insecurity, fear, the need to belong. Judgment is armor. But it’s heavy, and it isolates.

The Question That Changed Everything

I was mid-scroll—mentally side-eyeing someone’s oversharing post—when the question landed in my brain, quiet but seismic:

“What pain would someone have to carry to act like that?”

Not 'What’s wrong with them?' Not 'Why are they like this?' But—what happened to them? What ache are they navigating?

Empathy Dismantles the Reflex

When you start asking that question, things shift. You go from reaction to curiosity. From detachment to softness.

You stop needing to categorize people as good or bad. You start seeing the scared kid under the bluster, the lonely heart behind the performance. And in that view, your own heart softens too.

Judgment Loses Its Power

The moment you assume someone is doing their best—given their wounds, patterns, and wiring—you stop needing to label them.

You don’t excuse harm. But you contextualize it. And weirdly, that’s what sets you free. You no longer waste energy deciding who deserves your approval. You’re too busy trying to understand.

You Become Easier to Live With—Even For Yourself

When you extend that compassion outward, it turns inward too. You stop punishing yourself for not being perfect. You stop judging your own messiness. And suddenly, life gets lighter.

Not because people changed—but because your lens did.