What Kind of Beach Gremlin Are You, Honestly?

Uncover your chaotic seaside alter ego—whether you hoard shiny trash, build sand empires, or disappear into tide pools with mysterious intent

This image was created with the assistance of Freepik

Let’s be honest: the beach brings out something feral in all of us. Whether it’s the sun-fueled chaos, the salty breeze, or the promise of zero judgment, you transform the second your feet hit the sand. And no, we’re not talking about the influencer sipping coconut water—we mean your true beach goblin energy. Your gremlin mode.

This is the quiz that reveals who you really become when societal norms are burned off under SPF 50. Do you become the sand-sculpting menace? The snack pirate? The cryptid sun witch who only emerges at low tide?

Through seven deeply unserious but spiritually accurate questions, we’ll match you to your chaotic coastal alter ego—the one who collects cursed seashells and has no sense of time. Your flip-flops are already lost. Your soul? About to be revealed. Let the beach gremlin rise.

What’s your beach bag definitely hiding?

Goggles and a half-eaten burrito An army of sunscreen tubes A mysterious glowing rock

You spot a crab. Your reaction?

We lock eyes. I nod. It nods.Observe it. Respect its path.Try to name it and keep it

Your sandcastle philosophy is:

Symmetrical, fortified, high tide-proof More tunnel than structure A shrine to the sea gods

Your ideal beach snack:

Sandy grapes and regret A salty offering from the ocean A 3-compartment bento box

How do you dry off?

Towel, shade, maybe a novel Just air dry like a feral squirrel Let the sun charge my soul

Your beach soundtrack?

Waves, gulls, and my inner hum Curated playlist: Ocean Chill Vibes Vol. 8 Whatever’s playing from someone else’s speaker