I am officially Jewish, but I’m Jewish in the same way the Olive Garden is an Italian restaurant.

Plus, in one of his e-mails, the guy said he didn't like pancakes. What kind of asshole doesn't like pancakes?

It's hard to be in a bad mood when you're walking around looking like you're about to play the semifinals at Wimbledon.

More people die on a per mile basis from drunk walking than from drunk driving.

It comes back to the old question: How can the Bible be so wise in some places and so barbaric in others? And why should we put any faith in a book that includes such brutality?

Probably 90 percent of our life decisions are powered by the twin engines of inertia and laziness.

Sometimes miracles occur only when you jump in.