If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed.

My old friend looked at me with a new respect. He was discovering in me a capacity for hypocrisy that he had never credited me with before.

The country's present supply of foreign news depends largely on how best a number of dry goods merchants in New York think they can sell underwear.

Freedom of the press is guaranteed only to those who own one.

No ascetic can be considered reliably sane.

I had an attack of the gout two days before pulling out, and I went limping off to the war instead of coming limping back from it.