My wife asks me, when I get home from auditions, if they asked how tall I am. And if I say "Yes," then she says, "Okay, you didn't get that job."

You can't control the audience. When you're on the air and they're not coming to the party, it's time to shut down the party.

You never really know the guy until you sit down with him.

I always did think that when I turned 40, I'd start coming into my own.

I'm like a fungus; you can't get rid of me.

I'm not much of a jokester.

If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is "poontang".