I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.'