Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written "Today I will masterbate--if I want to!
I'm from the Vietnam generation. I didn't serve.
Service dogs raise their masters' sense of well-being.
I want to reclaim 'liberal.' I'm a liberal, and I think most Americans are liberals.
Technology is an incredible tool - it connects people to each other, creates jobs all over the world, and makes life easier for millions of Americans.
During Vietnam, I was in college, enjoying my student deferment. The government wisely felt that, in my case, military service was less important than completing my studies to prepare me for my chosen career: comedian.