I dont think ignorance is a way that you gain distance on something.

There was our father, the heart we knew held all of us. Held us heavily and desperately, the doors of his heart opening and closing with the rapidity of stops on an instrument, the quiet felt closures, the ghostly fingering, practice and practice and then, incredibly, sound and melody and warmth.

He would find his Susie,inside his young son. Give that love to the living.

And my sister, my Lindsey, left me in her memories, where I was meant to be.

Then a little voice in him said, Let go, let go, let go

I tried to take solace in Holiday, our dog. I missed him in a way I hadn't yet let myself miss my mother and father, my sister and brother. That way of missing would mean that I had accepted that I would never be with them again; it might sound silly but I didn't believe it, would not believe it.

My name is Salmon, like the fish; first name, Susie. I was fourteen when I was murdered.