Men were made for war. Without it they wandered greyly about, getting under the feet of the women, who were trying to organize the really important things of life.

I like money. That is, it is my preferred means of completing pecuniary transactions. I'm not particularly keen on handing over wads of currency of the realm, but at least one knows where one is, whereas the chequebook is a snare and a delusion, containing misleading numbers of blank cheques when none of the money that the bank contains is rightfully one's own. ... I think banks owe their customers a lot by way of compensation for the aggravation they cause them.

Men were made for war. Without it they wandered greyly about, getting under the feet of the women, who were trying to organize the really important things of life.

Death is the last enemy: once we've got past that I think everything will be alright.

Evil and laughter cannot co-exist.

Optimism is the last resort of those in deep despair. There can't be any optimists in heaven.

things are never so indescribably ghastly that they can't get worse.