You know how some people are unlucky in love? I was always unlucky in exercise. I'd get into a relationship with a workout program or guru, we'd go steady for a few intense months, and then we'd have a really ugly breakup.

You want to do all of these preventative things to make sure you always look as young as possible, you don't want to look your age. Looking young and attractive matters, even more than the type of person you are, even more than the actions you commit.

If you're a beautiful Caucasian woman, and you commit a heinous crime, it's like people don't want to acknowledge the reality of your actions.

For many years I wrote nothing but "I will not sleep with Steve Almond" over and over again, page after page à la Jack Torrance in The Shining. Finally, hundreds of psychotherapy sessions and an intense shaman-guided DMT sweat lodge experience led to a breakthrough, and I was able to write about other people I would not sleep with, and also about people I would.

My writing circle isn't too full of people who fall into the "Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought Tuesdays With Morrie" category.

I think humor is like a shield that lets you get as close to the sad sad flame as possible - far closer, oftentimes, than drama.

I'm a big people pleaser; I had a very awkward adolescence. Part of me is still that person who wants everyone to like me.