People in the hospital ... call me the wellest man on the ward. That's what's going to sustain me. I have these energy reserves that I somehow can't seem to deplete.

It's always strange to read the things you've hoped for in the past because by now those hopes may be spoken for or gone, transformed or altogether forgotten. Like time, hope can be so senseless. It can carry us up mountains or lie us in the quicksand. But like time, hope is unstoppable, inevitable, and blind. Sometimes we travel fast, hurdling towards the unknown, sometimes the unknown comes hurdling towards us while we watch time standing still.

If I've learned anything over the past 5 years, it's that you do not know where you're going to be tomorrow. You have to make decisions based on that; it's almost pointless. So, you know, whether I learned, I think I'm pretty aware, pretty conscious of that point to live in the moment. It's a hard lesson, but it's like, I'm trying to learn to quiet my mind down, know what I mean?

It was very easy to kind of, kinda shut off and just, just kinda go crazy and just kinda dive into this or that. You never really take a minute to look around, you know take stock and see where you're at and make sure you're doing things for the right reasons and make sure that you remember to call that person who's really important to you and you know, tell them what's on your mind, and be honest with yourself.

The freeway is just like veins without a heart.

Today I felt like a part of something awesome, the human race. I know it can be ugly; it really is in so many ways. But today there was nothing ugly to see, just people trying to be better. And maybe that's the key. Not resolutions and forgotten promises, but instead a commitment to do this year a little better than the last. I'm feeling good about this one. I really am.

Suddenly it makes sense again. In no haze of mindfulness, staring down at this snow-covered quilt of America, I am the stars exploding. Voice shot down to hell, half sick, half recovered, alive and well and ready. The unknown for now will remain as such and in this moment that feeling is not one of suspension. It is the hopeful unknown. Reaching into the future could only be good now as the past is wrapping itself in ribbons and pleasant packing paper, rarely to be revisited.