Hollywood liberals could not be reached for comment on the cost of the inauguration because they were being fitted for gowns and jewelry worth millions of dollars in anticipation of Oscar night.

I am the illegal alien of commentary. I will do the jokes that no one else will do.

Ironically, since Obama was elected, for the first time in my life I'm sometimes not proud of my country.

One recent menu for suspected terrorists at Guantanamo consisted of orange glazed chicken, fresh fruit crepe, steamed peas and mushrooms, and rice pilaf. Sounds like the sort of thing you'd get at Windows on the World - if it still existed.

Press passes can't be that hard to come by if the White House allows that old Arab Helen Thomas to sit within yards of the President.

That is [liberalism's] goal - to destroy the family... [liberals] just made up this gay marriage thing gays are natural conservatives.

I don't think we [the USA] need more troops. I think we need to be less worried about civilian casualties.