If I'm going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot.

They spent the night in jail, where their progressive views on gay marriage served them well.

All we can do is politely ask aliens from suspect nations to leave ... while we sort the peace-loving immigrants from the murderous fanatics.... Muslim immigrants who agree to spy on the millions of Muslim citizens unaffected by the deportation order can stay.

This week's winner for best comedy line about the war is New York Democratic Sen. Charles Schumer. Referring to - well, it doesn't really matter what he was referring to.

Talking to liberals is much more fun now that we have Lexis-Nexis.

No matter what argument you make against evolution, the response is Well, you know, it's possible to believe in evolution and believe in God. Yes, and it's possible to believe in Spiderman and believe in God, but that doesn't prove Spiderman is true.

The only beef Enron employees have with top management is that management did not inform employees of the collapse in time to allow them to get in on the swindle. If Enron executives had shouted, "Head for the hills!" the employees might have had time to sucker other Americans into buying wildly over-inflated Enron stock. Just because your boss is a criminal doesn't make you a hero.