I cannot bear the language TV chefs use - they don't seem able to look at a plate of vegetables without accusing it of sexual activity.

The instant you say All Quiet On The Western Front people remember that great 20th century classic book on war, a book about a school boy turned into a soldier overnight.

We also heard the usual old nonsense that banning hunting would affect employment if we abolished crime we would put all the police out of work. If we abolished ill-health we would put all the nurses and doctors out of work. Will anybody argue that we should preserve crime and ill-health in order to keep people in jobs?

My cat did that the other day when he came in from the garden.

I stay on terra firma: the more firm, the less terror.

I was walking across King's Cross station when a drunken Irishman came stumbling up and flung his arms around me. He wanted to thank me for the peace process in Northern Ireland.

The abuse of children is the worst offence that anybody can commit.