We should be thanking Apple for launching the $10,000 'apple watch' as the new gold standard in douchebag detection.

If I die unexpectedly can everyone just do the right thing and pretend I was a way better person than I am?

Sometimes I think, I need to think before I speak. And then other times I think, I shouldn't leave the house or interact with people ever.

I'm so humble it's crazy. I'm like the Kanye West of humility.

I had a confusing relationship with my Barbies, but I love trolls. I tortured my Barbies.

Every time I talk to a fancy journalist and they ask what I do in my free time my scumbag brain goes 'say masturbate, it'll be hilarious'.

For people whose job it is to make sure we make money, there's a lot of pressure.