You have to love a town where you can both smoke and gamble in a pharmacy.

Naturally, I'm misanthropic. But the Negronis are helping considerably.

I'm not going to get off the pony as long as they let me ride it.

It would be an egregious mistake to ever refer to me in the same breath as most of the people I write about.

Regret is something you’ve got to just live with, you can’t drink it away. You can’t run away from it. You can’t trick yourself out of it. You’ve just got to own it.

Every chef I know, their cholesterol is through the roof. And mine's not so great.

The worst, most dangerous person to America is clearly Paula Deen. She revels in unholy connections with evil corporations and she's proud of the fact that her food is f---ing bad for you. If I were on at seven at night and loved by millions of people at every age, I would think twice before telling an already obese nation that it's OK to eat food that is killing us. Plus, her food sucks.