I swear fearfully at the conventions of the stage.

Whoever sincerely believes that elevated and distant goals are as little use to man as a cow, that "all of our problems" come fromsuch goals, is left to eat, drink, sleep, or, when he gets sick of that, to run up to a chest and smash his forehead on its corner.

Your talent sets you apart: if you were a toad or a tarantula, even then, people would respect you, for to talent all things are forgiven.

To judge between good or bad, between successful and unsuccessful would take the eye of a God.

Never bring a cannon on stage in Act I unless you intend to fire it by the last act.

When men ask me how I know so much about men, they get a simple answer: everything I know about men, I learned from me.

There should be more sincerity and heart in human relations, more silence and simplicity in our interactions. Be rude when you're angry, laugh when something is funny, and answer when you're asked.