It's a new era at Disney. From now on, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs will be known as Person of No Color and the Seven Vertically Challenged Individuals.

The surest way to wake up and smell the roses every day is to go to sleep face down in the flower bed.

Wimbledon attracted Bill Clinton to the gallery at Centre Court Tuesday at the All England Club. NBC cameras showed his head turning back and forth with each volley. Even at a tennis match, it looks like he's denying everything.

Secret Service agents detained an Iowa man with a gun who happened to be walking in a Des Moines park where President Bush was jogging. Were they out of their minds? White guys with guns put Bush in the White House.

Tennis legend Bjorn Borg appeared in a Swedish TV ad urging Swedes to have more sex to solve the country's falling birth rate. America can help. This is a perfect opportunity to name Jesse Jackson ambassador to Sweden.

President Clinton broke ground Saturday for the World War II memorial in Washington. He'll never have the military's full respect. However, after surviving ten female accusers, he's been made an honorary member of the Tailhook Association.

If it turns out that Barry Bonds used steroids to bulk up and add muscle mass, he could get four to eight years as governor of California