They’ve taken their own precautions against Al Qaeda. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.

It's a new era at Disney. From now on, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs will be known as Person of No Color and the Seven Vertically Challenged Individuals.

Hostess Bakery plants shut down due to a workers' strike. It was split up. The State Department hired all the Twinkies, the Secret Service hired all the HoHos, the generals are sleeping with the Cupcakes and the voters sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress.

CBS News on Tuesday had Bob Kerrey in a Vietnam scandal, Senator Bob Torricelli in a donor scandal and Arnold Schwarzenegger in a sex scandal. This confirms what we always knew. Bill Clinton does the work of three men.

The most identifiable trait of Anglo-Saxons is that we always mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

Michael Moore announced that his next documentary film will attack the health care industry in America. He's not out to get the pharmaceutical companies. He's just looking for something to relieve the redness in the center of the country.

Hillary showed off a new set of White House china at the mansion's 200th birthday dinner Thursday. She said she helped design it. It's thanks to her that all the White House china looks like it's been glued back together.