A traveling show visited a country town and one of the acts was advertised as a striptease. A small boy begged his mother for a quarter to buy a ticket, but the mother refused, telling her son that if he went to that show he would see something awful. Well, the boy sneaked in the show and the first thing he saw was something awful - his own dad sitting on the front row.

Yes, I backed the hula hoop. And I had a lot of other people come to me with ideas that turned out well

Posterity is the patriotic name for grandchildren.

Sometimes I'm asked by kids why I condemn marijuana when I haven't tried it. The greatest obstetricians in the world have never been pregnant.

If you don't go far enough back in memory or far enough ahead in hope, your future will be impoverished.

The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence, and obsolescence.

Diplomacy - the art of jumping into trouble without making a splash.