I get really weird when I'm not working. I have to keep working.

I'm like that person who hates going to magic shows - and I love magic, I love wizards - but going to a show where there is any possibility of audience participation is a nightmare for me.

My people would love it if I smiled more, if I was more 'approachable.'

Make all your decisions based on how hilarious it would be if you did it.

It would be hilarious if I worked in a bowling alley.

When you improvise, you work off the laughs from the audience, but when you step on stage to do standup, it's silent.

I realized two things from an early age - I was insane and had some kind of comedic thing going on. My brain was wired to think about things in terms of how funny they were.