And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic.

When people meet me, many times they're very surprised because they expect someone who is kind of wacky with seven piercings and very hip and cool and New York City, and I'm not.

Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.

Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter. The fact is, I am not like other people.

Our lives are one endless stretch of misery punctuated by processed fast foods and the occasional crisis or amusing curiosity.

Thanksgiving was nothing more than a pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas; a dead bird in the street that forced a brief detour.

I think I love him, but I also think that you can love people who aren't good for you.