We were young. We were bored. And the old electroshock therapy machine was just under the stairs in a box next to the Hoover.

What police officer would dare ticket Death's minivan?

Miracles do happen. You must believe this. No matter what else you believe about life, you must believe in miracles.

Saying just the right thing after a considerable, awkward pause is far less effective than saying the wrong thing with perfect timing. I'm telling you.

I thought, I can't do advertising any more, so I was downloading all these PDF applications from community colleges. And I thought, I'll become a paramedic. I'll get a two-year associate degree, if I can get in.

Love is a helium-based emotion; Love always takes the high road.

Long marriages have ended in ruin over tiny and insignificant grievances that were never properly aired and instead grew into a brittle barnacle of hatred.