I haven't taken an overdose of sleeping pills and called my agent. I haven't been in jail, and I don't go running to the psychiatrist every two minutes. That's something of an accomplishment these days.

When I lose my temper, honey, you can't find it any place.

And the news got worse. It appeared that there was this whole other person Jesus Christ whose birthday a lot of people tended to confuse with mine. I was personally outraged. It was a long time before I forgave the Lord for that.

Fame and fortune does not mean anything if you don't have a happy home.

I hate cheating. I won’t put up with it. I don’t do it myself.

Petting is the study of the anatomy in braille.

So this was where lust was satisfied. If I'd been an old-time miner I'd have asked for my gold nugget back.