Being a public defender makes you incredibly paranoid - and I would say with reason - about law enforcement.

A good mother remembers to serve fruit at breakfast, is always cheerful and never yells, manages not to project her own neuroses and inadequacies onto her children, is an active and beloved community volunteer. She remembers to make play dates, her children's clothes fit, she does art projects with them and enjoys all their games.

In fact if I see you drinking I'll come down on you like a ton of bricks and call your mom.

I have two daughters and I have done everything in my power to prevent them from assimilating, even being aware of, my idiocy about my weight.

Here are my Mommy Messages: Wear a condom and test your Molly.

Think about it, I say. How many straight men maintain inappropriately intimate relationships with their mothers? How many shop with them? I want a gay son. People laugh, but they assume I'm kidding. I'm not.

You know, I feel like my job is to write a book. Then filmmakers come and they make a movie. And they're two really different art forms.