Sometimes I prayed for Baby Jesus to make me good, but Baby Jesus didn't.

Most people no longer believe that buying sneakers made in Asian sweatshops is a kindness to those child laborers. Farming is similar. In every country on earth, the most human scenario for farmers is likely to be feeding those who live nearby-if international markets would allow them to do it. Food transport has become a bizarre and profitable economic equation that's no longer really about feeding anyone ... If you care about farmers, let the potatoes stay home.

Cooking is 80 percent confidence, a skill best acquired starting from when the apron strings wrap around you twice.

If you can't dress expensive, dress memorable.

I learned to produce whether I wanted to or not. It would be easy to say oh, I have writer's block, oh, I have to wait for my muse. I don't. Chain that muse to your desk and get the job done.

Come to think of it, just about every tool was shaped like either a weenie or a pistol, depending on your point of view.

Oh, mercy. If it catches you in the wrong frame of mind, the King James Bible can make you want to drink poison in no uncertain terms.