A man asking for help ought to at least give directions.

a church ought to express the joy of religion as well as its majesty.

I disapprove of matrimony as a matter of principle.... Why should any independent, intelligent female choose to subject herself to the whims and tyrannies of a husband? I assure you, I have yet to meet a man as sensible as myself! (Amelia Peabody)

People who relate what they believe to be new and startling information like to have such information received with exclamations of astonishment and admiration.

Now, Mama, Papa, and sir," said Ramses, "please withdraw to the farthest corner and crouch down with your backs turned. It is as I feared; we will never break through by this method. The walls are eight feet thick. Fortunately I brought along a little nitroglycerin--" "Oh, good Gad," shrieked Inspector Cuff.

That's maturity-when you realize that you've finally arrived at a state of ignorance as profound as your parents.

kissing someone out of pity is always a mistake.