It is much more sensible to be an optimist instead of a pessimist, for if one is doomed to disappointment, why experience it in advance?

Your trousers are on fire. I would have told you, but you so dislike advice.

That's maturity-when you realize that you've finally arrived at a state of ignorance as profound as your parents.

Noble causes have a deplorable effect on the morals of the persons who espouse them.

If you take a man by surprise, and behave with sufficient arrogance, he will generally do what you ask. -Emerson

Most men are reasonably useful in a crisis. The difficulty lies in convincing them that the situation has reached a critical point

I do hope you have some money. I'm getting tired of hitting people.