Just because a lot of people know something nominal doesn't make it important. A lot of people know what a pencil sharpener is, but that doesn't make it the most important invention of the 20th century.

There are two things for a marriage to be good. One is to work hard on it. The other one is to marry above you. And I succeeded at both of those.

People decided that I was the frat guy, even though I've never been inside a fraternity, or the guy who beat them up at school, even though that wasn't me at all.

My mother gets all mad at me if I stay in a hotel. I'm 31-years-old, and I don't want to sleep on a sleeping bag down in the basement. It's humiliating.

I'm not the most loathsome man in the world. I've dropped to number nine.

You have to pay people real money.

You wasted $150,000 on an education you could have got for a buck fifty in late charges at the public library.