The church, the state, and the poor, are 3 daughters which we should maintain, but not portion off.

I wish it were possible, from this instance, to invent a method of embalming drowned persons in such a manner that they may be recalled to life at any period, however distant; for having a very ardent desire to see and observe the state of America a hundred years hence, I should prefer to any ordinary death the being immersed in a cask of Madeira wine with a few friends till that time, to be then recalled to life by the solar warmth of my dear country!

The art of acting consists in keeping people from coughing.

How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them.

Life with Fools consists in Drinking; with the wise Man, living's Thinking.

The only certain things in life are death and taxes!

Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.