Critical words to a child are as painful and damaging as being physically hit. They are verbal slaps in the face. Usually, critical words are accompanied by threats, name-calling, and yelling. This verbal abuse can be especially damaging. Insulting names echo in a child's mind over and over again until he comes to believe he is indeed stupid, selfish, lazy, or ugly and that in fact, that is all he is.
Beverly EngelPositive and powerful: Sometimes people won't like me, and it's okay. Positive and powerful: I like me, and that's all that matters. Positive and powerful: It's more important what I think of me than what someone else thinks of me.
Beverly EngelFor too long we have been protecting the ones who have hurt us by minimizing our trauma and deprivation. It's time to stop protecting them and start to protect ourselves. We have been told and feel that we are responsible for their emotional well-being. We are not. We are responsible only for ourselves.
Beverly EngelYou have the right to your own ideas and opinions, to make your own decisions, and to have things go your way at times. Stand up for those rights.
Beverly EngelIt is far more important to know myself and take care of myself than it is to look good to others.
Beverly EngelWhen someone is unrelentingly critical of you, always finds fault, can never be pleased, and blames you for everything that goes wrong, it is the insidious nature and cumulative effects of the abuse that do the damage. Over time, this type of abuse eats away at your self-confidence and sense of self-worth, undermining any good feelings you have about yourself and about your accomplishments .
Beverly Engel